The theme of last week's assembly was kindness and the idea of ‘Pay it Forward and I want to expand on that this morning.
Let's start with some heavyweight’s endorsements for kindness. Martin Luther King Jr, a man who achieved significant changes in American Society, didn't just talk about grand gestures and public statements. He urged people to commit random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty. Notice that he said random - not planned, but spontaneous acts that cost nothing, but mean everything.
The Dalai Lama the spiritual head of Tibetan Buddhism put it even more simply, “Be Kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
Again, Maya Angelou the American poet and civil rights activist observed, “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
But let's consider the science of kindness, not a subject yet, but perhaps it should be. When you perform an act of kindness your brain releases a cocktail of chemicals that researchers have dubbed the ‘helpers high’. You get a boost of serotonin which regulates mood and helps you feel happier. You also get oxytocin, sometimes called the ‘love hormone’, which reduces stress and inflammation in your body. And then there's dopamine, which gives you that rewarding feeling which makes you want to be kind again.
Remarkably, research studies have shown that the person receiving your kindness gets the same chemical boost. And, even more remarkably, even people who just witness the kindness get a small version of the same reaction. It's as if kindness is contagious spreading through groups like a positive virus.
A study at the University of California found that people who performed 5 acts of kindness in a single day reported high levels of happiness that lasted for weeks. Not days - weeks.
Kindness operates on what psychologists call reciprocity. When someone is kind to you, you are more likely to be kind, not necessarily to the same person, but someone. A study by researchers at Harvard and Yale found that acts of kindness spread through social networks up to three degrees of separation. In other words, your kindness to one person could indirectly affect dozens of others you'll never even meet.
In another Harvard study, researchers gave people money and told half of them to spend it on themselves and half to spend it on others. The people who spent money on others rather than themselves reported greater happiness. And, when they tracked these people over time, they found the happiness generated from spending on others lasted much longer than the happiness from spending on themselves. When you think about it, this makes evolutionary sense. Humans survived because we cooperated, because we helped each other, because we built communities. Kindness isn't just about being nice it's how we're wired to flourish.
But let's be honest, you're growing up in an age when someone can become Internet famous for being cruel, and the algorithms often reward outrage over compassion. Consider this, though, online kindness is more powerful precisely because it's rarer. When you choose to comment in a supportive way instead of a sarcastic one, when you share something that lifts someone up, rather than knocking them down, when you use your digital voice for good, you stand out. You become someone people remember for the right reasons.
It's important though to consider the person to whom you probably show kindness less often than anyone else in your life, Yourself. We live in a culture obsessed with self-improvement, with being your best self, with constant achievement, and as a result we can be very hard on ourselves sometimes, our worst critic.
Self-compassion, though, is a very different thing to self-indulgence. Self- compassion isn't making excuses or lowering standards; it's treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend who was struggling. When you mess up a test, fail at something, or feel like you're not measuring up, what do you say to yourself? Is it what you'd say to someone you care about?
Research shows that self-compassionate people are actually more motivated to improve, not less. They bounce back from failures faster, take better care of their health, and have stronger relationships. So, when you catch yourself being self- critical, ask yourself, what would I say to my best friend, if they were in this situation. Then say that to yourself instead.
Finally, I'd like you to consider something that might sound calculating, but it is nonetheless absolutely true. Kindness is a really effective life strategy. People remember kind people, they want to work with them, be friends with them, support them when they need help. The beauty of kindness is that it doesn't require grand gestures. You don't need to donate millions or volunteer for months to make a difference. Some of those powerful acts of kindness are really small. Asking “how are you” and actually listening to the answer. Saying “thank you” to the coach driver, the people who clean the school, serve you at lunch, or help you in shops - people who are often invisible to most children. Complimenting someone's effort, not just their achievements. Sitting with someone who's eating alone. Sharing your notes with someone who's been absent. Defending someone who isn't there to defend themselves. These tiny acts can have huge emotional impacts.
Sometimes being kind takes courage as it opens you up to being seen as soft or naive. But consider this, cruelty is easy. Anyone can be mean. It takes no skill, no strength, no intelligence to tear someone down. But building someone up, making someone feel valued, that's brave, that's powerful. That's the mark of someone who's generally confident and strong.
In conclusion then, I want you to think about this. Every interaction you have is a choice. You can make someone’s day a little brighter or a little darker. You can add to the total sum of kindness in the world, or you can add to the pile of indifference and cruelty.
Years from now, when your peers think about their school experience, they probably won't remember the content of most of the lessons, but they'll remember the people. They remember how you made them feel, they'll remember whether you were someone who made their world a little bit better or a little bit worse.
So, my challenge last week was to commit some random acts of kindness. Not because you had to, not because someone is watching, but because you want to see what happens. But this isn't just about last week. What I'm asking of you is to be kind to others, be kind to yourself and pay attention to how it changes not just your day, perhaps your entire worldview. And remember, in a world that feels increasingly divided and harsh, your kindness isn't just nice to have, it's exactly what the world needs.
Words by Mr David, Headmaster
Image of Wetherby Prep pupil collecting this weeks Kindness Cup
